Handle tantrums with this one tip. Practice it for a while and never handle a tantrum again.
I was told recently that my articles are way too long, so I’m trying a shorter version! Here it is: a story and a conclusion.
Yesterday, when my 2.5 year old and I came back home, he asked for orange juice. I took out his favorite Minion cup and poured some in. He burst at me like a volcano, from 0 to 100 in less than a second, yelling it’s not enough, he wants more juice.
I paused the line of automatic responses (don’t yell at me, it’s only juice, what the hell is wrong with you), and I kneeled down, told him I love him, and gave him a big hug. We never spoke about the juice incident again 🙂
After a challenging day at daycare (every day is challenging) all he needed was connection.
The Best Tip to Handle Tantrums
Ignore the behavior
See the feeling
Meet the need
The truth is that I hate (and I don’t hate much) the word tantrum. I discussed it widely here, but in short – a tantrum is a behavior, and all behaviors are mirrors to needs and feelings. Whenever we witness a behavior that we deem “challenging”, it is because our little ones are dealing with challenging emotions.
If we address the behavior itself, without addressing the underlying needs leading to it, we will not change a thing. Moreover – the underlying need will remain unmet, causing our little ones more and more internal turmoil, leading to even more challenging behaviors. This is the reason for which the classic method of discipline simply doesn’t work.
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However, when our children’s needs are constantly addressed and met, when their reality is the reality of being seen and understood, respected for their feelings – our children will gradually start reciprocating the same notions and behaviors. They will care more about us and about our needs, meeting our needs will become an inner need of their own. This is the only way to compassion and true attachment. And this is what we all want, right? 🙂
I made you a lovely (FREE) printable to download from the site, print, and post on your fridge. It’s A4, black and what. So there are no excuses 🙂
Get yours here: bit.ly/2yTUya2
If you feel that you need help with parenting, sign up to my online parent coaching. I promise you that we will make it right in just a few sessions 🙂
I would also love for you to join my Facebook group and see how all these lessons are practiced in real life. Hope to meet you soon! 🙂
Viki de Lieme
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Great advice! We are often so quick to tell when really a lot can be solved by a simple hug.
I have to say this is a new perspective of looking at tantrums and I commend you mama. A lot of mom’s could learn from this.