Forgive Your Parents, Accept Yourself


Nonviolent Communication, Empowering Parents / Monday, November 12th, 2018

So many things happen to us when we bring children into this world. For most of us, it is the very first encounter with the epitome of purity, the first encounter with the epitome of true love. Love that is solid as a rock, yet flowing like a river’s stream; tangible, ordinary and abundant like sand, yet unexplainable like a heavenly entity.

For most of us, this love is dazing. No wish is ever too great, we value each smile as if it was the world’s largest diamond, we feel each hug to be powerful enough to bring peace to the hearts of all people on this huge planet.

For most of us, parenting is the very first encounter with fellow human beings who are not yet infected with judgment. Human beings who communicate their every need, every feeling. Human beings who are honest, real and full of intent 100% of the time. Human beings who fully trust us, and fully trust this world; because no one has yet let them down.

In our constant pursuit for clarity, this encounter would lead most of us to self-reflect. At some point, we will be tempted to reach out, even if for a mere second, and touch that epitome of purity that was, once, us.

Most of us will return from that second-long journey through a lifetime, dazed and confused, hurt, and disappointed. Most of us will feel robbed of that core sense of pure humanity. Robbed of the love and the trust.

For most of us, it won’t take too long to point that finger of blame towards the ones who were, and might be still responsible for the wholeness of our hearts, the purity of our being. Our parents.

Those people who always did what they thought was best, what they felt was right, to bring us up. Never did they have other intentions, no matter what eventually happened. Whatever they did, they could never do more. Because if they could have – they would have. Just like we will. Just like we are – the best we can be in every given moment. And if some moments are not the best, we are still the best, for those given moments.

If we won’t put that finger of blame down, if we won’t accept what we were given with compassion and empathy, if we won’t embrace these amazing people who were, too, robbed of that same purity – we will continue feeding this circle of judgment, of blame, forevermore.

Everything changes when viewed through the lenses of time. And so will we. But that one, eternal, grain of purity is still within us. No one and nothing can take it away from us. We can celebrate it. Live it. Cherish it.

Do something different today. Forgive. Put that finger down, so that your little one won’t even know it exists.

Share this with someone who could use a hug. And if you still can – go hug your parents.

Forgive your parents, accept yourself. This is the only way to break the cycle of blame, shame, and guilt. There's not better time than now.

 

And please note – this does not go out to anyone who has suffered intentional abuse by their parents. There is a different conversation to hold in this case. Join my parenting support group on Facebook.

Do something different this year. Forgive. Accept. Start and see how the circle of blame crumbles around you, making room for love and the beautiful life you can live. Start with this.

Viki de Lieme

Hi there! Welcome to my home 🙂 I am a mom, a parent educator, a Nonviolent Communication specialist, and attachment parenting advocate. I help children (and their parents) reconnect and find the joy of family life.

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