The parenting sphere is overflowing with advice, most of it conflicting, so you go along with what the majority suggest, hope for the best and keep winging it. But when nothing changes, we soon realize that we cannot get a different result by continuing to repeat the same actions.
Fear-less, Guilt-less, Shame-less – Parenting Beyond Coercion takes you step-by-step on a journey to build and maintain a calm, loving, mutually respectful, understanding and nurturing relationship with your child and, vitally, with yourself.
Breaking the Cycle
When we first become parents we believe we’re entering a new world, embarking on a journey unique to us and our family cell. Our heart is hopeful, the future is brighter than the morning sun, and looking into the eyes of our brand new human being we brought into this world, we know that any negative cycle breaks here.
We swear that we will protect them from all the maladies of the world, that this little human being will not suffer and ache like we did. But time goes by, day after day, week by week, and we become more tired, less patient, and understand that breaking negative cycles is going to be harder than we thought.
The truth is that we can’t separate ourselves from the cycle, it’s imprinted within us; the neurological matter we’re all made of. For the past 7,000 years we were raised by the detrimental mechanisms of fear, guilt, and shame. These mechanisms still govern the social structures we live in; society, family, and the human brain. These work closely together to maintain the hierarchy, the structure of good and bad, right and wrong, strong and weak. And this structure has the strongest soldiers at its service – fear, guilt, and shame.
We embody them, they design our thoughts, and dictate our actions. To break the cycle we must first admit to its power over us. See it, feel it, embrace it with compassion. Only then can we begin removing the layers of fear, guilt, and shame from our own skin, to start parenting naturally from our hearts, without coercion.
Constant and ongoing coercion shapes brains and mindsets, and the lack of public knowledge about the effects of coercion makes it easy for parents to fall into the trap of standard discipline. This is what we have been doing for thousands of years, yet this approach is far from catering to the most basic human needs.
The standard approach to parenting is the one responsible for the grim experience of human beings all over the world. The constant coercion, the constant frustration that is usually met with further coercion which builds up until it violently explodes.
But it doesn’t make anyone feel better. It doesn’t work, and never has.
Fearless, Guiltless, Shameless – Parenting Beyond Coercion is our way out of this situation, and into the calmer and far more enjoyable and relaxing way of parenting. One of mutual respect and understanding.