Do you wish to be less angry, less judgmental, more responsive, and more connected to our children? Here’s the single anger management tip that will take you a step closer to the parent who you want to be.
Imagine you’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when suddenly someone bumps into you. Within a fraction of a second your muscles contract, your blood boils, and you are all ready to turn backwards and shout out an automatic “what the hell do you think you’re doing??”.
When you complete the movement you realize that the man who bumped into you is blind.
He gazes in your direction, clearly confused from what had happened and starts mumbling that he’s sorry, and that he didn’t mean to.
Your anger disappears in a heartbeat.
Anger Management Strategy Designed for Parents
Ever wondered why you are so angry, for what seems like all the time?
- You have needs: you need to be seen, you need to be heard, you need to feel autonomous regarding your decisions, you need cooperation, you need help, you need security and guidance, you need order, serenity, peace, understanding, connection, and sleep. You probably need sleep.
- Anger tells us something about ourselves: it tells us what we need, and it tells us we’re not getting it. Anger is a wake up call to unmet needs.
We were taught to believe that our needs are visible to others, and we were taught to believe they should help us meet our needs (or at least not stand in our way while we try to).
The Unspoken Truth
No one likes to admit it, but the truth is that our loved ones are blind to our needs. Most of the time they are not even aware of our needs, and when they are – they probably not know how deeply that need lives in us that very moment.
In this respect – they are blind.
And it’s not that they don’t care – they are just busy living their own life, minding their needs, trying to get them met.
It might be hard to hear that your loved ones are not aware of your needs, but if you come to think about it – most of the time you are not aware of your own needs. Most of the time you are not aware of the needs of your loved ones.
If this makes you feel lonely, it is only because we are not accustomed; we weren’t taught to speak the unspoken – to directly address our needs, in a way that makes it easy for our loved ones to hear, and assist in having them met.
We were, and are – blind.
Until we start doing things differently.
Beneath the anger, behind the frustration, underneath the sadness and loneliness – there are needs. Let’s get to know these needs, in ourselves and in our loved ones. Let’s connect and cooperate from the purest inner motivation of making our loved ones happy. This is a motivation all human beings share.
Anger Management for Moms
Whenever you feel the anger crawling up, threatening to burst and claim its presence, when you are just about to yell, or say things you will regret, stop everything and breath. Take a good deep breathe and ask yourself “what do I need now”?
Find that answer and share it with your children. I know it sounds crazy or even preposterous, but they can take it and they will want to help you – if they knew how.
Tell them what you need. Tell them how they can help you. Trust them they can help you. Teach them that they are trustworthy.
Let’s say goodbye to anger and find the love, the empathy and the compassion that we are ALL capable of.
Want to Stop Being that Angry Mom?
If you are not certain what your needs are, or how you can positively communicate them, if you don’t know how to translate the words your little ones say into the pure needs they stem from. If you want to learn how to set limits that are actually followed, and how to gain your children’s cooperation through positive communication, while building trust and companionship – the blow parenting seminars are for you.
And February registration just opened, clicking “buy now” will take you to the full description 🙂
Hope to meet you soon!
Join my parenting support group on Facebook, come talk about it 🙂