The Most Important 10 Tips for Mindful Parenting, Offered by Nonviolent Communication
The next 10 Tips for mindful parenting learned from Nonviolent Communication can change our entire point of view. NVC and the Attachment Theory offer us a whole world of learning, but most of us don’t have all that time. Few key insights are so easy to grasp and have such intense transformational power, it is a shame to not put them in a simple list, for everyone’s benefit.
Putting the 10 Tips for Mindful Parenting in Context
While “good and evil” exist, “good and bad” are nothing but a social structure. The fact that something is a certain way doesn’t make it good or bad, it’s just what they all want us to believe because it makes controlling us, and our thoughts, easier.
There is No Such Thing as Good and Bad
An action, a saying or a belief is always a mirror to an innate need that doesn’t define the human being, and can’t be used to break one down to a binary definition.
How is it a social structure? By the very nature of comparison, one no longer stands separately, but in comparison to someone else. Opposite adjectives are such potent tools for judgment and are used too freely; by using them we presuppose the existence and current lack of the opposite. When we say “bad”, we presuppose the existence of “good” and it’s current lack, by thus inflicting guilt and shame. This is ever so powerful for children, who can’t yet differentiate between who they are and what they do. Telling a child she did something bad is telling her that she is bad, instilling fear from generation to generation.
Before reading, think about the last time you have blamed yourself for doing something, and how you felt. Now consider that same day, without the blame; had you known (and felt) that actions can’t define you, that mistakes happen to everyone, that everyone take poor decisions that can’t define who they are. You would have learned the lesson nonetheless, free from the burden of guilt and shame, you could evolve.
Without having to learn the whole philosophy, the following 10 tips for mindful parenting is your best place to start, if you want to make life beautiful:
- If we view ourselves as bigger or stronger, we belittle our children. If we belittle them, we teach them that size is a factor in power.
- Children never do against us; they do for themselves. Innocently.
- Needs must be met. Somehow. At some point. A million strategies become available once we to let go of that one failing strategy.
- Listening to words is one thing, attuning to the needs behind the words is a whole new level of communication.
- Manners, ethics, perseverance, coping, various life skills, respect, love, acceptance and so many other qualities we wish to see in our children, can’t be taught. Only modeled.
- Vulnerability is key to building resilience; only through the experience of the entire spectrum of emotions, can one become truly courageous and capable.
- Children are never “good” or “bad”. They are who they are, at any given moment.
- We are never “good” or “bad”, we are who we are. At any given moment.
- When we can’t do anything beneficial, the best thing is to avoid causing more harm.
- No matter what had already happened, we can always make amends.
Attachment Parenting seems to be everywhere nowadays; more parents are now co-sleeping and baby-wearing and letting their little ones lead the way when it comes to some decisions. But what happens next? When co-sleeping and baby wearing are no longer relevant strategies for fostering positive and strong attachments?
Nonviolent Communication is the only way to breed secure attachments, to continue to parent the Attached way into older ages and raise the adults who will be our future leaders. These 10 tips for easier parenting lead us a step closer to where we want to be.
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Wishing us all beautiful parenting 🙂
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