Over a year ago, I wrote “10 Things I Do Each Day to Build an Unbreakable Bond with My Child“; this post broke the internet with over 40k shares. It took me over a year to figure out why this post was so successful, and now I got it.
Because of these two words, “unbreakable bond”; in a world so fragile, so uncertain, and insecure, bonds and relationships, too, are quite breakable.
Why Don’t We Love Ourselves?
We’re on a constant strive to do more, to do better, to be more, to be better, and we are taught to believe that love will come when “better” is achieved. But better is never achieved because there’s always better than better.
Like in that post I mentioned, sanctifying connection and mutual understanding between a parent and a child, over concepts of “good” behavior, actually leads to better behaviors, without pushing for it, without fighting for it, without punishments and time-outs and rewards. It is in the name of the need for connection that we do everything that we do. And when the connection is in place, everything becomes better. Naturally.
Do You Love YOU?
Our relationship with ourselves is the same. We lose sight of who we are trying to be something that we aren’t. And to satisfy whom? Not ourselves. We live in a world that sanctifies fear, guilt, and shame, and these feelings control us.
How many people do you know who love who they are? Today, precisely the way that they are?
Can You Learn To Love YOU?
Our brains tell us all these stories; that we are not good enough, that we can always do better, that someone else is better, skinnier, smarter, or stronger than we are.
These are lies, fed by thousands of years of a distorted social structure.
When we shut down our brain, we let our hearts do the talking. And our hearts know the truth, and this truth, is the path to self-love, to happiness. Self-care is not in sports, hair, or nails, it is in knowing who we are and living that, shamelessly.
10 Things I Do Each Day To Love Myself Exactly the Way that I Am
These practices, taken straight from the world of Mindfulness and NVC (which I teach in my membership group), are the only 10 practices you need to live the life that you want to live. I’m sharing this with you today because I want you to be a happier, confident you.
- I’m focused on the facts. I did what I did. Or didn’t do what I didn’t do. And that’s it. No judgment, no evaluation. If there are dirty dishes in the sink, there are dirty dishes in the sink. It doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person.
- I accept my full humanity. As a human being, just like you, I accept that perfection lies in love for imperfections.
- I understand that I am always doing my best. No one has a plan to slack-through this thing called life. When we want to have our needs met, we’re doing everything we can to achieve it. If we could have done more – we would have. And if we didn’t – we couldn’t.
- I accept my full emotional range. I am a human being, I get angry, and I yell from time to time, and it is okay. I get impatient, and I lose it, and I accept that these things will happen. I don’t hate myself for it.
- I listen to what my emotions are telling me. When I get angry, frustrated, anxious, or tense, it’s because my needs are unmet. I ask myself what these needs are, and I recalculate my path for a better chance to have them met.
- I communicate my needs. Instead of telling those around what they did to undermine my needs, I tell them what I need from them to make my life more beautiful. I ask for help.
- I don’t imprison people in my requests. My requests are true requests; “no” is a legitimate answer. If someone chooses not to help me – that’s fine.
- I don’t imprison myself in other people’s demands. I experience everything as a request, and I am free to say “no” whenever meeting one’s request undermines my needs.
- I practice gratitude. I’m focused on the “good,” I search for it, and I made a habit of finding it, even when it’s not so visible.
- I understand that everything that I do is a choice. Nothing abides me. When choices don’t make me happy, I rethink and create a new choice.
Living an Autonomous Life
I experience myself as an autonomous person. My life is mine, my needs are mine, and it is up to me to make me happy. And you know what? When I am happy – those around me are happier, and with this cycle of happiness, we’re all focused on each other, and our connection and our bonds are unbreakable.
If you want to learn how you can achieve this, join the Positive Parenting VIP, my membership group, where I teach Mindful living and parenting through NVC.
You can also join my Facebook group, where I share many little secrets to happiness 🙂
Either way, I would love to meet you.